From the Archives of 2006 - A story of Faith and Healing, and ministry along the way

I'll tell ya, I have countless stories I could share with you, and every now and then I find 5 minutes where I can sit down and go through my files and pull up an older story. This one is from last year starting in July 2006 and involves a time when I had some medical testing done, as well as some faith testing, and how God brought me through some fearful times, as well as lead me to continue the "as you go"ministry of reaching out to people I meet along the way. I'm going to just copy and paste the emails I had sent to my best friends (the Dolls) concerning this particular story. I hope it encourages you to see that God is STILL the Great Physician and is still a Mighty, Mighty healer. Sorry it's so long, but hey, it's me writing here....LOL!

July 18, 2006
Hey ya'll! I have a doctor's appointment that I'd like you to keep me in prayer over at 1pm. I have been having some leg and back pain for a week or so, and my right leg hurts a lot, kind of like when you have sciatic nerve pain in pregnancy. A few days ago I was moaning and groaning about my lower back and leg hurting and I went to kind of rub my back when I got out of bed and noticed a lump resting deep on the bone. It's about the size of a walnut. The lump itself doesn't hurt, but it does make me think that its location is the cause of the leg pain. So I'm going to get it checked out. It's probably a ganglion cyst, although I don't think they normally show up on pelvic joints.......but I'm not normal. So we shall see.

July 19, 2006

Hey ya'll! Man it is hot today.

I had to see a new doctor today because our doctor (of 13 years) has moved to another clinic and our insurance doesn't have her name on the card yet. So this gal is about my age, which makes me realize that I could be a doctor by now. Oh well.

The bottom line is.....she doesn't know what it is so I get to have an ultrasound on the 28th. And a mamogram. Yay.

Time to turn my cups into saucers.

After I moon her (the lump is near my bum) and she examines me, she asks me to bend this way and that to see if it hurts, and to bend and touch my toes, which I can't do. So she asks me what is it that is keeping me from touching my toes, is it painful, is it uncomfortable, and I tell her, "No, it's my belly." :)

She does use the word "tumor" while she's "guessing" what the problem is. She is a rough doctor, her exam has actually left a few bruises on my chest. I did not like her at all. Not exactly getting an A+ in bedside manner class. Anyway, as you can imagine, I'm feeling a little less than comforted at the possibilities of illnesses and diseases that have started running through my mind.

Meanwhile, the reason I need a mamogram is because I also have some very swollen lymph nodes on the same side as the lump in my back. The lymph nodes are mostly under my arm but do extend into the breast tissue just a bit, and they are quite painful. I didn't really think much of it, but decided to mention it to her while she was already battering my body. So as she was pushing on my nodes hard enough to feel my scapula, she said I definitely needed to be further checked out.

So after the appointment and gingerly dressing myself as to not further injure the hematomas caused by her abuse, I scooted off to the hospital gift shop where my old boss from 20ish years ago works. I usually stop in to see her, and another girl, Alice, who worked for me about 18 years ago. I love her. She's a lady that is about 10 years older than me, so she's uh, ahem, 39 , and she's a strong Christian to boot. Anyway, while I'm visiting with her there is a young lady, 18 years old, named Cierra, with a 6 month old baby in there talking with Alice. Alice tells me that Cierra's baby was born with heart trouble, only has function of one kidney, etc. And she was just released from the hospital this week from rota virus. But now she looks really, really good, and has come through all of that really well.

So then Cierra says she's really having a hard time right now and Alice says, "Don't say that, speak life into your day, girl!" So she tries to explain, "I'm having surgery next week on my breasts, they think I have cancer. I'm going up to my appointment right now to have a biopsy to see what kind of surgery they want to do, either a lumpectomy or a mastectomy....both breasts. My grandmother, aunt and mother all have had breast cancer and I have 3 hard knots on this side and one on this side."

I coulda just died. EIGHTEEN years old! How unfair. Frank and I have been doing this study recently and it challenges you to take a risk with people and pray for them. I'm not so very good at risk taking but I decided to die to my flesh (so hard to do.....I have a LOT of flesh, and proved it today on the scales) and I said, "C'mon Alice, Let's take care of this." So Alice said she couldn't right now cause she was on the clock and could get in trouble for praying right now. So she took the baby and I took Cierra toward the back part of the store and just prayed healing over her. When I opened my eyes, she was crying. Bless her heart. She was very receptive. Actually, I ended up praying for her one more time before she left.

What's really interesting to me is that I have been praying healing over this lump thing in my back and Frank has prayed over me, anointed me in oil, and my sister prayed over me, and nothing has changed, and last night I felt like there was a bigger plan here. I really feel like no matter what this lump in my back turns out to be, it is merely the enemy picking on me, and I do feel equipped to take authority over him and tell him to take a hike. So while I was there today I just knew that God was going to order my steps and all day I JUST KNEW I was supposed to pray for someone. So I'm hoping to hear a good report from Cierra. And I'd love it if you would pray for her as well.

July 26, 2006

My appt for the testing is the 28th.... starting at 1. They are letting me do the back thing before I have my mammies grammied, so I don't have to lay on 'em after I've been through the torture chamber.

I'll have to share this declaration I made yesterday, only because I need accountability, (and support). And I'll take another risk at trusting ya'll with my deepest darkest fears. When that doctor mentioned the word "tumor", naturally, because I'm Tammy, the first thing that went through my mind was Arnold Swartzen-however-you-spell-his-name in Kindergarten Cop saying, "It's not a tooo-ma". But I really got a little bit fearful, thinking that this thing is growing into my sciatic region and all that. It's amazing how our minds can really invoke so much fear. And like Annie, I went to nursing school, so I know too much -- well, enough to be scary. LOL!

So after I prayed with Cierra and left the hospital, I was thinking how I was believing for that girl - or on behalf of that girl, what *I* needed to have faith enough to believe for myself. And then I was thinkin' how scared that girl is, and how she is trying to grasp on to something to help her feel OK, and how young she was, and I thought, "Oh no, I should have prayed for her about her fear. I should have rebuked the spirit of fear from her. I'm so stupid." And God just spoke to me in my heart and said,"No, you prayed exactly what I wanted you to pray." Which is good He said that cause the devil was actually sitting in the passenger seat beating me up for being so inadequate. Don't ya just love univited guests?

And I kinda thought, yah, but she was so frightened that she coulda used a little extra prayer in the fear department. And God spoke to me again, and He said, "Nope. I am able to meet Ceirra where she is at.....even in the midst of her fear." So I stuck my toungue out at the devil. Then God said ever so clearly in my spirit, "But I will not put up with the spirit of fear from you." Grrrr. I know what He means though. That is one of my many, many weaknesses, and I realized that He was waiting for a purpose. And He has taught me very recently about that exact thing. So He must figure I know better. (pouting going on here)

None-the-less, yesterday was kind of a....I don't know, a really, weird day of weird thoughts and all that about it. My dad had Luekemia, and cancer runs on my moms side of the family so it's perfectly NATURAL to be concerned about it, except God has been asking me to believe in the SUPERNATURAL recently, in things of His world, and not of things of this world. Kinda sucks. So after a lot of wrestling going on in the space between my ears, I finally sat down and made a declaration, printed it out and am working on following through on it. And I wasn't going to bore you with my crazy insane stuff, but I really need you guys. And if you all have loved me this far, then I know I can trust you with really personal struggles. (crap, now I'm crying) So, here goes:

Lord, You said in Your Word that You would heal me. And I believe you, with every fiber of my being. I KNOW You can not lie, and I KNOW You WILL heal me, and I will claim this promise daily. The spirit of unbelief creeps in because my body is not lining up with Your Word, therefore, I decree that from today until the day of my sonogram, I WILL NOT touch my back in the area that the lump was found. Each time I touch it, the enemy tells me that You won't heal me, and I have to struggle with him for a few minutes. This is making me tired, so today I have decided to no longer come in agreement with what the enemy says. My body is lining up with what he says, and I will no longer listen to it! Today and until my test on the 28th, I will not touch that area, but instead will believe BY FAITH that You are working. I noticed that today I had no pain in my back and leg from this lump. I rejoice in that and claim victory in Christ Jesus who provided healing for me with His stripes. If I touch that spot and feel a lump, the devil will likely try to convince me that I do have pain, or that I just forgot about it, or that I will have pain, or that the pain doesn't matter, it only matters that the lump is still there. I will not have a conversation with the one who has come to steal, kill and destroy. I will not listen to him. I will not! I will not! I WILL NOT! I will only have communion with the One Who loves me and gave Himself for me, the One Who came so that I might have LIFE, and to have it more abundantly, the One Who knows the plans He has for me, to do good and not harm me. Praise Your Name! I accept Your healing in my body and I WILL NOT listen to what the enemy is telling me through my body!

PS....God, You know I am believing You for something bigger, so I don't appreciate the devil picking on me and sidetracking me, so I say to You today, that I believe for ALL things promised by You! In my weakness You give me strength.....You ARE my strength!

Do you know how HARD it is NOT to touch that lump? UGH! And to not whine about it? But I will tell ya, that after reading that a couple times yesterday, last night I slept better than I have in a few weeks. I didn't have hardly any leg discomfort and pain during the night. In fact, it was more just an ache from laying on that side than it was from pain. So that's a serious deal. Now, during the day has been a little different, but I did spend two hours at the grocery store, and just being overweight is what I am going to attribute this lower back ache to, but the good part is that my leg is not hurting at all! So I will keep reminding myself that God is healing me, and I'm going to believe God for this to go away! And I will not fear! I will not fear! I WILL NOT FEAR!

July 27, 2006
Hey Ya'll. I had a doc appt for one of the boys this morning so I popped in at the little gift shop and talked to Alice. Cierra was scheduled for surgery this week, they just needed to decided which kind to do, she said a lumpectomy or a mastectomy.... Anyway, Alice said Cierra came in Monday or Tuesday for an appt for her daughter and told her the doctors said they were not going to do the surgery because they didn't see the need for it!! They said the problem in her breasts was not as bad as they thought (no cancer!) and they would just let things be. Isn't that so amazing??!?!!? Yay God! He's still in the healing business! This girl totally experienced a miraculous healing from God!!!!!

July 29, 2006

Hey ya'll! Sorry I didn't to post yesterday. I really wanted to. It was a long and emotional day and by the time I get the kids home, bathed and in bed, Frank was working on a video edit for a church project on the computer and I fell asleep so I didn't get a chance to post. Then today was Angel Food and I just got home. I'm about to drop!

It was truly a disappointing day yesterday, but God was with me all through it. I was just SO sure that lump was going to be gone by the time I got there, and it wasn't. So while she was doing the sonogram on it, I kept praying for God to just make it disappear miraculously, ya know, right in front of the sonographer. Well, He didn't. Then she said she wanted the Radiologist to come in an look at the pictures and at the actual sonogram in real time and to palpate the lump for himself. He had very cold hands, btw. He said it was likely a lipoma, which is a fatty tumor, but he said he was going to recommend to my doctor to have an MRI just to be sure. He also said that these things are always benign and if this is a lipoma, that would be good news. He said it would be a candidate for surgery only if it was bothering me or causing pain, which as it sits on that sacro-illiac region, it does cause pain. BUT, since I didn't play with it all week, the pain was fairly non-existent. But after she was done prodding me, I was pretty uncomfortable and in a little pain down the leg. He said lipomas can have degrees, so it depended on what degree it was as to whether we would want to pursue surgery as an option as well. So all in all, not a great report, but not a bad report ether, since he's not certain 100%. So we keep praying. And believing.

I was truly bummed about it and and disappointed, but I had that mamogram to do so I headed downstairs for that exhilarating experience. Everyone down there was really nice and the actual Breast Health clinic looked like an upscale spa instead of a clinic in the midst of a medical college. Very impressive. Anyway, this is where it gets scarey. I wasn't even worried about this, since I was having breast pain on one side and it was just, in my mind, routine. But after the torture chamber, she told me she didn't want me to freak out but they will likely call me back to do it again because my lymph nodes were enlarged. I knew they were, or suspected, anyway, I just was so concentrated on the lump I didn't give it much thought. Lymph nodes can get swollen for many reason. She said my breasts looked good (well, aside from being deflated, droopy, and pathetic) but the lymph nodes were concerning. So as you can well imagine, since I'm not fighting an infection, as far as I can tell, it's pretty scarey. She said I could expect to get some blood drawn and all that as well. So that's that. And that's when the tears started to flow. But it's OK. I'm still walking in faith and believing God for a good report when I see the doctor on the 3rd. I don't have time for the devil to pick on me right now. Darn it. And I will not fear, I will not fear, I will not fear! (I'm going to keep confessing this until I believe it! LOL)

So today my mom told the ladies that help with Angel Food, and they all prayed for me/with me. I did explain to them that I needed them to just come into agreement with me in prayer about this, but I didn't believe, nor wanted to hear, that God is doing this to me to build character, or teach me a lesson, or prove He is God or whatever, and that I don't believe that scripture teaches this. I believe based on the Word that this is an outright attack from the adversary, as the Bible says he comes to kill, steal and destroy.

August 23, 2006
I have only a quick second before I have to run off to get Frank from work. We are down to one vehicle and it's not even ours! It's my mother in laws.....thank God she is still letting us borrow it....but runnin' here and there is SOOOOO exhausting! Who knew sitting and driving could be so draining??

Anyway I got to see my regular doctor at her new practice and it was a much, much nicer visit. She wants an MRI on the lump in the back, so I have to wait til they call me with the appointment for that. She has no diagnosis, just wants to wait on the tests... As far as the lymph nodes - she diagnosed me with something I can not even pretend to try to pronounce, and knew what it was right away and was able to palpate the nodes with a very gentle touch. Basically it needs (or needed in the first place) to be treated with a strong antibiotic. It is swollen and she said this usually can cause absesses in the lymph tissue, breast tissue including the ducts and etc, and the area close to the sternum (cleavageish area) and no wonder I have pain. Yes, I'm TRYING not to be bitter at the other doctor for letting me suffer this long. The infection is in the lymph nodes themselves and probably in the breast tissue at this point. Easy enough to fix with antibiotics and warm compresses. Meanwhile, she said this thing can come and go and usually comes when you are eating a diet high in fat. SOOOOOOOO, no more Atkins type stuff for me. I gotta go low fat - no flavor. Can't wait.

And that's that. And let me tell you, she was soooo gentle and wonderful. And sad that I saw Dr Psycho Pants.

Ok.....on the road again!!!

September 23

Hi Ya'll! Sorry I didn't get a chance to email yesterday. I got home after 8 and was pooped. And today was Angel Food. Phew!

I have nothing to report though. They wouldn't tell me anything. boo hoo. He was just the tech and said the radiologist wasn't available. Have you ever done that MRI before? It has made the top ten things I never want to experience again. I didn't know they were going to give me an injection of radioactive stuff, or whatever it was and they ended up stickin me three times! OWE!. Well, that's par for the course, I have tiny veins. That's pretty much the only tiny thing I have.

Anyway, that's that. I have my appointment with my doctor on Monday afternoon, so hopefully it will be all good news!

September 25, 2006
Good News!!

Whoo-Hoo!

Nothing to worry about!

Just a benign pain in the toushy. If I want to have it removed, I can, but if not, it's ok.

So yay God! It will stay put for now. Motrin works well enough on the pain as does lounging around on the couch wearing fuzzy slippers and eating bon bons.

I was in the office with my doctor for an hour. Found out my passing out episode is something to do with a vaso vegal nerve thing. My sister has that. It's treatable and not a big deal....unless you don't like laying on the bathroom floor.

Anyway, the past couple of months has been a sincere testing of my faith and I am just about spent! The enemy has exhausted me, but I will rest in the Lord and wait on Him and be renewed like the eagles! Whooo hooo~~~ But it does make me think that most of this trial, while it was certainly a time of growing for me, was more for Cierra.....that one Divine Appointment. I just found out that she and her husband are very newly pregnant with their second child. A new life....one that would not have been possible had God not supernaturally reached down and healed her like He did. Yay God! You are the Giver of all life!!!

After my doctor's appointment I ended up seeing an old friend and the whole time was spent with her talking to me about her spiritual life. It was so awesome how God worked today. I have known this lady for 14 years and we have never had a converstation about God. She's always been really funny about that subject with us, like she was trying not to bring up God ever or whatnot, to be politically correct and such. She just really opened up and cried a little and we talked about her relationship with God and she ended up giving me a HUG and thanking me for encouraging her! How cool is that? God works in cool ways.

Then I left and the devil just beat me up all the way to the book store about how stupid I sounded and how I didn't give her enough talk about Jesus and all that. You know how he can be. I kept wanting to ask her if I could pray with her but I just never got that open door. So of course the devil beat me up with the fact that I could have opened the door myself and all that. And I was all bummed and feeling low and stuff. Does anybody else ever go through this mind game? Spirit of condemnation? What a pain in the butt.

So I get to the bookstore and get them to look for the books I need and a girl comes out to help me and she's got like this big ole nose ring and this scratchy voice and is just all around frightening. HAHA. I mean like goth looking. So I follow her to the books and notice she is limping. She gets my books and I ask her why she is limping. She tells me she was in a car accident 9 months ago and had her knee crushed, was in a coma for 3 weeks, had her aorta severed and her vocal cords nearly destroyed. So I'm like, wow, you survived that? And she tells me the doctors said she was a medical miracle. And of course you know what I'm thinking. So I tell her that God has His hands on her and we get to talking and find out she used to be a singer at church a long time ago, but isn't in church now or has she been for a long time. So I ask her if I can pray for her (see how I got the devil back? LOL!) So she says yes, and I put my hand on her shoulder and pray for her and totally feel the Holy Spirit's presence (WOW!) and then when I open my eyes she grabs my hand and she's crying and tells me that it meant a lot to her and asks me my name and all that. It was a good time in the Lord. I know He was speaking to her.... too cool.

Which brings me back to my original thought.....all of this lump thing and scary lymph node stuff....how much of it was for my benefit? How much of it was for me to be in God's path all along to meet up with His Divine Appointments? How humbled I am that He chose to use me like that, to bring me through frightening possibilities and still put people in my path to show His love to. I love our Great Big Healing Wonderful Powerful GOD!!!